Angela BensonBefore my hubby was my hubby, we had the “money” discussion. It wasn’t a difficult discussion to have, but it was a difficult one to schedule. We both knew we needed to do it, but we kept putting it off.
In preparation for this talk, we agreed that we would each pull our credit report and share it with the other person. Talk about feeling naked! When you start looking at your life in terms of those 20+ pages from Equifax it’s a bit unsettling. Once the credit reports were printed, we had to share them. Then we had to look at them. All that took a couple of months!
Once we finally sat down for the talk, things went smoothly. Given that we are both older, we each had made long-term financial commitments to others in our families. He had obligations to his children and I had obligations to my parents. We discussed those and what they would mean to us and our financial future. It wasn’t a painful discussion at all.
Because of that discussion, we were able to plan our budget and individual contributions before we were married. We share expenses but we both keep our individual financial accounts. This has worked out well.
We don’t have his and her money when we vacation; we have vacation money. That led to an interesting “encounter” (I don’t want to call it an argument) during our last vacation. I’ll have to tell you about that in another post.
So did you have the “money” talk before you married? If so, how did it go? If you didn’t have it, do you wish you had?
Hi Dr. B,
I never had the money talk with my ex, maybe that is why she is my ex. However, after reading your well thought out approach to the “money” talk, I will implement this into my next relationship. That is if I ever have one, I have been on two dates lately…
And I am not impressed with what is out there at this point..
She
Sheila, I got the idea about the credit report from a girlfriend of mine. I think it was a good one. At least, there won’t be surprises in that arena down the road. The statistics seem to suggest that money issues are the causes of a lot of stress in relationships as well as break-ups. All we can do is start out knowing what there is to know.
One question–did you sign a pre-nup? Would you consider signing one?
Did you sign a pre-nup? If yes, was there much discussion surrounding that decision. If not, why not?
No pre-nup. I didn’t see the need for one.
My favorite pre-nup story is about Jessica Simpson and Nick Latchey. Before they were married, Nick (who was by far the bigger breadwinner at the time) wanted Jessica to sign a pre-nup. Jessica and her dad hit the roof, refusing to sign it. The couple got married without a pre-nup.
Fast-forward a few years and they’re getting divorced. Now Jessica’s the one who’s made all money. There’s no pre-nup ‘cos Jessica refused to sign, so Nick wants his half of the couple’s earnings. Jessica and her dad again hit the roof. They don’t want to give him half.
Nick ends up getting a decent settlement but not before making Jessica look like a fool or a golddigger. She wants her share of his earnings (she refused to sign the pre-nup) but she doesn’t want to give him his share of hers.
Anybody else out there sign a pre-nup? I’d love to hear about it.
Yes, we had the money talk. We didn’t pull credit reports. We settled on a common checking account for household expenses that we both deposit money into monthly. We both have our own separate checking accounts as well. So far so good – it’s been seven years 🙂
This is a great idea. It’s good that both parties know what they are getting themselves into. When me and my ex-fiance were in counseling, the preacher suggested we have one account. My ex was not good with money. There was no way he would have access to my account so I openly disagreed with the preacher.