Angela BensonActually, I’m not. The truth is that my husband is a grandfather, which makes me the wife of a grandfather, not a grandmother.
I’ll bet some of you are wondering why I make the distinction. Well, it’s because I’m too young to be a grandmother. Not really. I make the distinction because as someone married to a man with two adult children, a teenager, two grandchildren and an ex-wife, I’m careful to “stay in my lane.”
My husband’s grandchildren have a grandmother already and I have no desire to usurp that role, or dilute it by staking ownership to the title. I’m not sure how I’d feel if the roles were reversed. Would I want my grandchildren calling my ex-husband’s wife, “Grandma?”
At some point, we’re going to have to decide what name the grandchildren use for me, but we have a while for that since they’re still very young. Maybe they could call me “Angel,” short for Angela. I sorta like that. I’m from the South so children addressing adults by their first name is a definite no-no.
What do you think? How should my husband’s grandchildren address me? Are any of you in a similar situation? How have you handled it?
Hey Angela! Love your posts. May I suggest Mimi. Several of my friends who are ‘step-grandmothers’ have adopted that moniker. You are a wise woman to avoid any issues with the maternal and paternal grannies. And they would be wise to understand that children need as many people as possible to love and support them.
Thanks, Evelyn! I told my hubby about “Mimi” last night. Of course, he asked, “Who’s Mimi?” 🙂 After I explained, he was on board with it. We’ll see how it goes. There’s still a lot of time before we need a name, but it’s good to have one.
Congratulations, Angela! You are so wise. I hope the ex-wife appreciates how much you consider her feelings and that of her children. Blessings.
angel is a great name:) there are a gazillion names i’ve heard friends have their kids call them as grandmothers…many of which could be appropriate for a step-grandma. a few friends are called “honey” there are so many who don’t want to be called the ordinary “grandma” names and have come up with very interesting variations. as long as the name you choose is different from their blood grandma, you’ll be fine. hope you enjoy the role as you flesh it out:)
Martha, thanks for adding “Honey” to the pot. 🙂
Congratulations “Angel.” When I married my husband we both had grown children. He had a dozen grandchildren, the youngest was six-years-old when we married. Her name is also Sarah with the same last name as mine. She resented the name at first, but then we made it a game to always take a picture together…two Sarah’s. I take my cue from the kids and they call me Grandma.
My oldest grandson decided my husband is Grandpa, my other two have three grandma’s and only my husband is Grandpa. It all worked out.
Sarah, thanks for sharing your situation. The “Sarah” story is a lovely one. I’m so glad it worked out naturally for you and the grandkids. Let’s hope it works that way for us.
This was such a wonderful post and great discussion. With a desire for cooperation and understanding, everything can usually work itself out – especially if everyone keeps the best interest of the children at heart. I look forward to visiting often.
Welcome enjoyceinglife! I look forward to talking with you.
How about “GiGi.” My sister-in-law felt that “grandma” was too old for her so she told her grandbaby to call her “GiGi.”
Also, hubby and I are blessed in that our parents are still here with us. So to avoid confusion our kids call them “Grandma/Grandpa – first name,” so that everyone would know who they are referring too. In your case it would be Grandma Angela. The funny part is whenever my husband or I refer to “Ma” or “Dad” both sets respond to us 🙂
Hey Angela,
Its Meeeeee…lol But I dont know what m,y children will call you because they are too young right now. They dont know the difference they only know that they have lots of love coming from you and George Im sure they will love you as their Grandmother just as they love their other grandmothers they will give you a name one day lets just wait and see what they decide to call you 😉 Cant wait to see!!!!!
Gigi is now in the pot, Rosiland. Hi, Tara, you’re right that we have plenty of time. Thanks for chiming in.
Hi Angela,
Haven’t had the chance to meet you but heard a lot of nice things about you. Read your post and discussed it with my daughter. First of all it takes a village to raise a child and in this day and age we need a lot of villagers. In the words of Richard Bach, “The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.” In my word, “Related or not, Love and Respect earns title ships as well as creating long lasting bonds that never end!”
I’m gonna be Grandma Velda, Jason’s mom can be Grandma Clinteen and how about you be Grandma Angela?….Welcome to the family!
Grandma Velda, your message made me shed a few tears. How kind and gracious of you to welcome me the way you have. I can’t really express how much your generosity of spirit and largeness of heart mean to me. I hope to meet you soon. Angela
My situation is similar to yours, being in a second (I like to say my *last*) marriage to a man who had children with his first wife. Like Rosiland, I am “Grandma Bettye.” We called my grandmother’s second husband “Grandpa John,” so that seemed a natural. I sometimes wonder if the kids will ask why they don’t have “Grandma” and “Grandpa” when they are older; my husband is “Papa” and his first wife is “Grammy.” My mother, who spends part of the year with us and is often here when everyone visits, is “Nanny,” the same name her other great-grands call her.